Realize
by HopelessRomantic984
Summary: A "friends with benefits" proposal was the perfect compromise. At least that's what Tommy thought. See what happens when Jude realizes she needs more than just sex... A one-shot song fic to Colbie Caillat's "Realize".


**A/N:** The song is "Realize" by Colbie Caillat. I don't own it, although I wish I did. (It's such a fantastic song!). Enjoy and let me know what you think!

* * *

**Realize**

The deafening silence of the room was too much for him to take. 

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

He was supposed to wake up to her high pitched laughter, or the soft sounds of her breathing. Hell, right now he'd even settle for awakening to the extreme moodiness that frequently revealed itself if you woke her too early.

But he didn't wake to any of that, because she wasn't here. She was gone and he had no one else to blame but himself.

He tossed the covers off and swung his legs around to sit on the edge of the bed. He hung his head and rested it his hands, wondering how it was that they'd gotten to this point.

_**Take time to realize,  
**__**That your warmth is crashing down on in.**_

Regardless of how much he didn't want to admit it, he knew he was the one who had brought them to this point. The point where he had lost her.

It had all started one night when they'd been working late in the studio. They had been reworking lyrics and she was sitting irresistibly close. One move and he could have swept her into his lap. It had scared him how much he'd wanted to do just that.

And before he could take them back, words he could barely believe possible of himself had spilled out of his mouth. As he'd proposed a "friends with benefits" arrangement between them, he could almost hear her jaw drop.

He allowed his thoughts to drift further back in time to that day, and it was only now he realized just how big of an idiot he'd been to even suggest, let alone initiate, that kind of relationship with her. He'd been even more surprised that she'd actually accepted his proposition. He remembered trying to ignore the disappointment that had briefly flashed in her eyes at the mention of a relationship that lacked the normal 'couple' things, and how he'd deliberately pushed that disappointment aside when her face lit up in a brilliant smile of agreement. He knew even then he hadn't been prepared to offer her the relationship she wanted, but he'd thought this was a sort of compromise they could both be satisfied He'd been foolish enough to think that enjoying a strictly sexual relationship with her would be enough. Although, at first, it had been. For two months, they'd had frequent exciting sex without the complications of a "relationship".

_**Take time to realize,  
**__**That I am on your side  
**__**Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.**_

Or had they? Thinking back, he realized that it had always been more complicated, more relationship-like, than he'd been ready to admit. They had spent every moment of the last two months together. Their days had been spent at the studio, and at night they had talked, laughed, gone to movies or out to dinner. And of course, there was the sex. The life-changing, mind-blowing sex. And if he were truly honest with himself, it wasn't **just** sex, either. If it had really been 'friends-with-benefits' sex, he would have had no problem watching her leave afterwards. But that had never happened. After every encounter, if she had shown even the slightest hint of leaving, he'd pull her wordlessly back against him, tightening his arms around her like a vice.

They had agreed that they could both see other people, but neither one had taken advantage of that. Well, except for one occasion, only two nights ago. The night that began their downfall.

Darius had planned one of his usual industry parties and had required that all G-Major employees bring a guest. And, because he had insisted to Jude that their relationship was strictly sexual, they had both escorted other people to the party. He still remembered the moment she had walked in, a strapless black dress clinging tightly to her curves. He could also vividly recall the rage he'd felt when he had noticed the man who had his arm tightly around Jude's waist. He hadn't known the guy and he didn't want to. All he had wanted was for that asshole to release 'his girl'. He had needed to remind himself at least fifty times that night that she wasn't _his_ girl. That what they had wasn't serious. Unfortunately, this assertion didn't calm him any. It hadn't helped that his date had been a complete bore. Well, to him at least. She was a model with a perfect figure and she had even been mildly intelligent. But none of that had mattered. The moment Jude had walked in, his eyes wouldn't leave her. He had noticed every detail; the way her date tried to hold her too close when they danced. The way her date kept eyeing her like she was for sale – and that guy definitely wanted to buy.

Over his dead body.

Later on that evening, he had noticed her escape down the hall towards the studios and had impulsively decided to follow her. He'd stalked down the hall, stopping only when he'd seen her entering Studio A. He'd pursued her, slamming and locking the door behind him.

She'd spun around, surprised by his arrival and his actions. "Tommy, what are you doin—"

He'd cut her off with his lips and pinned her roughly against the wall. He remembered how her body had struggled against him at first, surprised by his assault on her senses. But within seconds, she had relaxed and lifted her hands to his neck, bringing him as close as two people could get. Impulsively, he had continued kissing her and running his hands along her curves, trailing one hand under the hem of her skirt. She had not 

objected; in fact, she had almost purred at the presence of his hand under her clothing. Although it had not been what he'd intended, they had proceeded to have sex right there, leaning against the wall of Studio A.

_**But I can't spell it out for you,  
**__**No it's never gonna be that simple  
**__**No I can't spell it out for you**_

There'd been no time for basking in the afterglow, however. He'd made the mistake of mentioning that they should really get back to the party. He'd seen the hurt flash in her eyes. And as if realizing what they had just done, she'd pushed him away roughly, and straightened her clothing quickly.

"You're right, I need to get back to my **date**," she'd spit out, seething visibly. And he'd done nothing to stop her as she'd stomped out of the studio. She'd spent the rest of the night clinging to her date, and he'd utilized his time by furiously boring holes into her date's back.

Since then she'd barely spoken to him. She hadn't shown up at the studio yesterday, calling in to say she was 'sick'. After getting an earful from Sadie, he knew the only 'sick' Jude had been was seemingly of him. He had been stupid enough to expect everything would just blow over and go back to the way things were. He should have known better. After all this was Jude he was talking about. She was overemotional on a good day. But after their encounter at the party, something seemed to have shifted. And it had scared the hell out of him. He'd hated feeling so disconnected from her.

He'd been heading to bed last night when he'd heard a soft knock on his door. Opening it, he'd found Jude staring back at him, her eyes full of resolution and sadness. And without saying anything, he's known she had come to end it. "It" being whatever exactly their relationship was.

She had walked in, pausing as she'd reached the spot in the middle of the living room. Then she had stated the two words he'd known were coming. "It's over."

Although he'd wanted to, he hadn't protested. He had stood idly in the spot by the door, not knowing what to say or do. He'd felt a million emotions rising within him, but he hadn't acted upon any of them.

_**If you'd just realize what I just realized,  
**__**Then we'd be perfect for each other  
**__**and will never find another**_

Then she had surprised him even further by sliding off her jacket and throwing it onto the couch. "I want you once more," she'd announced, leaving him speechless. "I want to try to ingrain in my memory what it's like to be with you. And then I'll walk out of here and we'll go back to being artist and producer." She'd paused, and then continued, clearly 

feeling like she needed to give some sort of explanation for her decision. "Tommy, I need to stop hiding from reality. I need to find a relationship that's not going to leave me with a broken heart when you get tired of having sex with me…" she'd trailed off, turning her head to brush a tear off her face.

He had opened his mouth to speak, knowing he needed to say something, to tell her that would never happen. He could never get tired of her, of anything about her. Ever.

But in what he characterized as "customary Tommy behaviour", he had said nothing. He'd let her lead him to the bedroom and they made love; he had wished every moment that he could do something to prolong the end. But like everything else, it did end. And in their normal routine, when her sweaty body slid off of his, she'd snuggled into his side and closed her eyes.

His hopes had risen, and he'd murmured the only words he could think of. "Stay..." He remembered hearing the strained tone of his own voice as he'd tried to hide the desperation he was feeling.

She hadn't responded, but she hadn't moved away either. He'd drifted helplessly off to sleep, praying that he'd have a chance in the morning to change her mind.

_**Just realize what I just realized  
**__**we'd never have to wonder if  
**__**we missed out on each other now.**_

Now, morning had come and he was all alone. And as he lifted his head from his hands, it became clear that he wasn't going to get that chance to change her mind. She must have left sometime during the night, not wanting to confront him with a 'goodbye' this morning.

What an idiot he'd been. The panic began to rise within him as he contemplated his future without her. He couldn't lose her. And he most definitely couldn't watch her with someone else. More than anything, he wanted her to be happy. But he wanted her to experience that happiness with _him_.

Because… well…

He began to work through the thoughts in his muddled brain. And then it hit him, as if he'd been struck by a tractor-trailer. He stood up, beginning to pace as the realization sunk in. 

He loved her. 

How had he not recognized it before? He'd hidden his feelings with the lie that he couldn't handle a relationship or didn't want one. But he now saw that that was 

ridiculous. Now that she was gone, he could see what really wanted. What he really wanted all along.

Her.

He began to feel dizzy, and he sat slowly back down on the bed.

What if it was too late?

* * *

_**Take time to realize  
**__**Oh-oh I'm on your side  
**__**didn't I, didn't I tell you.  
**__**Take time to realize  
**__**This all can pass you by**_

She was bored. More accurately, she had never been so bored in her entire life. She was sitting across from a handsome, rich, investment banker that Sadie had set her up with. And he was blathering on about mutual funds and the importance of investing early, especially with the wealth she had been accumulating. She couldn't help wondering if this guy was more worried about the possible client he'd have in her than showing her a nice time on their date. She'd have to kill Sadie later for this.

Actually, she knew it wasn't Sadie's fault. She was the one who had shown up at Sadie and Kwest's this afternoon begging her sister to set her up with someone. Anyone to get her to stop thinking about Tommy. Anyone that might distract her so that she didn't go running back to Tommy's apartment, begging for just one _more_ night.

She'd woken up in Tommy's arms at 3:00 am, wanting to do anything but leave the warmth of his tight embrace. They'd gotten in the habit of sleeping tightly entwined and last night was no exception. She'd had the delicate task of extricating her limbs from Tommy's before she could make her escape. She had almost talked herself into staying the night when she'd realized how much harder it would be to face him in the morning when he was awake. When she'd be even more tempted to allow things to go on like they were and she couldn't do that. So she'd decided to do the cowardly thing and slink off into the night. But not before she'd stolen one last kiss. After silently throwing her clothes back on, she had leaned over him, kissing him on the lips. She'd been shocked when he'd returned her kiss, but she'd relished every last second of it. She'd pulled back, angry at herself for kissing him and waking him up, now forced to deal with that goodbye she hadn't wanted to confront. But when she'd pulled back, she'd noticed that his eyes were still shut, and he was still breathing deeply. He'd whispered her name quietly, and she had realized that he was dreaming. Apparently about her. It had been a poignant, but also bittersweet, parting moment. And then, going against every cell in her body that was telling her to stay, she'd dragged herself away. She'd felt the tears falling before she'd even reached the apartment door.

_**But I can't spell it out for you,  
**__**no its never gonna be that simple  
**__**no I can't spell it out for you**_

"Do you want to order dessert?"

Her head shot up as her date looked at her expectantly. 

"No, thanks. I'm actually pretty tired. I think I should be heading home," she refused politely.

Luckily her date, who obviously could tell she was distracted, did not protest. He didn't make much more conversation, paying the cheque and politely helping her into his shiny sports car. She loved sports cars, but this one was the wrong one. She had a soft spot for blue Vipers that belonged to Tom Quincy.

She shuddered, trying to put him out of her mind. They were done. Whatever ridiculous dysfunctional thing they had was over. It had to be. Every time Quincy reminded her that they were only friends, and that she was free to date other people, her heart broke a little more, and she couldn't keep putting herself through that. The thought that Tommy only wanted sex from her made her heart seize in her chest. And it made her feel the slightest bit dirty. As much as she wanted to blame him, she knew she couldn't. She had known exactly what she was getting into by agreeing to a casual sexual relationship with him. She had known at the time that it was the exact opposite of what she'd wanted, but she had figured she would take what she could get. But she'd assumed that eventually it would progress into a real relationship. And honestly, she'd thought it _had_. But two nights ago, at the G-Major party, the truth hit her soundly in the face. Tommy wasn't going to change, and he didn't want anything deeper than sex. She couldn't deal with that from him, not in the long term; not from the only man she would ever love. She knew that sounded really overdramatic, but she also knew it was true.

She knew that eventually she would love someone else. Once her heart mended a little, she'd meet a guy who treated her well and she'd eventually get married. But the kind of love that she felt for Tommy only happened once in a lifetime. And she wasn't about to waste it in a sham of a relationship that was doomed from the start. 

_**If you just realized what I just realized  
**__**then we'd be perfect for each other  
**__**then we'd never find another  
**__**Just realized what I just realized  
**__**we'd never have to wonder if  
**__**we missed out on each other now**_

Her date dropped her off in front of her apartment building, not even bothering to get out of the car. Clearly, he hadn't been thrilled with how the night had progressed either. She 

heard his car race away as she approached the door. What a disaster that had been. Not only had he not been interesting at all, she hadn't even remotely accomplished her goal of forgetting Tommy.

She just wanted to curl up on her bed and sleep the rest of the pitiful night away. And try to deal with the reality that she would likely never find anyone who excited her or made her heart race the way Tommy did. But she wanted more, so much more than Tommy was willing to give her. And she wasn't going to settle for less any more.

She walked into the lobby, heading immediately towards the elevator.

"Found someone else already?"

_**It's not always the same  
**__**no it's never the same  
**__**if you don't feel it to.  
**__**If you meet me half way  
**__**If you would meet me half way.  
**__**It could be the same for you.**_

She turned immediately as she heard the all too familiar voice, rife with humor and a hint of panic, coming from behind her. And there, in all his glory, was Tommy Quincy. The man whose kisses brought her to her knees. And also the only man who could leave her so devastated that she found it difficult to breathe.

Taking in his perfectly styled hair, she felt a wave of memories washing over her. She remembered what it was like to wake up next to him in the morning and see his hair sticking out in all directions. His eyes were bright, and she thought about how his eyes crinkled and sparkled when he laughed at a particularly funny movie, or something silly that she had done. She'd seen parts of this man that most people would never see. And that made it all that much harder to walk away from him. Or look at him now, standing only a few short feet away from her.

"Tommy, as you so kindly pointed out many times, I can go out with whomever I want."

"Well, the way you ran from his car, I'm guessing it won't be him." She was annoyed at the touch of himor in his voice. 

"What do you want?" she asked, trying to hide the dejection, but knowing she was failing miserably.

His face took on a more determined look as he bridged the distance between them. He reached forward to cup her face with his hands. She could hear her breathing becoming erratic as he gently traced her cheekbone with his thumb, leaning forward so that his face was irresistibly close to her own. "You. I want you." His voice was low and husky, and she had to put all her effort into keeping her knees from buckling beneath her.

He moved his face closer, bringing his lips down towards her. She knew she should have moved, pushed him roughly away. But she couldn't. One more kiss... even if it killed her, she couldn't walk away from this moment.

His lips moved slowly against her own, and he moved his hands down to her hips, bringing her whole body flush against his. She helplessly swung her arms around him, reveling in the security of being in his arms again. Even if it couldn't last.

_**If you just realized what I just realized  
**__**then we'd be perfect for each other  
**__**then we'd never find another**_

His lips captured hers more fervently, and as her lips parted in surprise he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. She fisted the material of his shirt, keeping her unsteady body as close to his as she could.

He broke the kiss, moving to place a few kisses on the curve of her neck. As the delirious fog began to lift, the one that always came over her when Tommy kissed her, she noticed that everyone was staring at them. Well, they _were_ making out in the middle of the lobby; she couldn't really blame anyone for gawking.

Despite how good his lips felt on her neck, she wrenched herself out of his tight embrace and backed away from him.

His eyebrows rose in confusion at the distance she placed between them.

"That doesn't change anything," she said breathlessly. "I can't do it. I can't go back to what we were. I respect that you don't want more, but I **do**." Her voice was taking on a high pitch, and she knew she was beginning to ramble.

"But Ju—" he interrupted, but she wouldn't let him speak.

"No. Nothing you could say will convince me to change my mind. It's too hard. I can accept that you don't feel the same way, but I can't---"

"I **love** you!" he yelled, the only way he knew to stop her from talking.

It certainly worked. Her jaw dropped and all she could do was stare at him dumbfounded. "You..."

"I love you," he said, his voice soft and warm this time as he said it. "I was planning to tell you in some special way but I was afraid if I didn't tell you now you might never _let_ me say it."

She was still shocked. "But... what happened... I don't understand.." She couldn't piece everything together in her mind. Only 48 hours ago, he was still happy with their no strings arrangement.

He grabbed her hands and held them against his chest. "I was scared. I fuck things up. That's kind of my M.O. And I thought if we could just be together, but not in a relationship, I had less chance of screwing things up. I'm sorry, it wasn't fair to you and I should have seen that."

_**Just realize what I just realized**_

She could feel a smile forming on her lips as his words began to sink in. "So... what are you saying, Tommy? You want a real relationship? And a real commitment?" she asked, still a little skeptical.

"I want it all. I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize it." He was smiling, but she could see in his eyes that he was still a bit anxious that his words weren't getting through to her.

He opened his mouth to say something else, and she attacked his lips. She didn't need to hear anything else. She was convinced the moment he'd said he loved her. The words she had waited so long to hear.

She kissed him ardently, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down further towards her. His arms twined around her waist, pressing their bodies closer together.

Eventually she pulled back, in dire need of oxygen. She rested her forehead against his, looking into the depths of his blues eyes. Eyes that spoke of the love he had for her. "I love you, Quincy," she whispered.

He smiled, "I love you too, Harrison." He pressed his lips to hers again, placing a brief kiss on her lips, then her cheek, then the corner of her eyes.

Her eyes caught sight of the other people in the lobby, still staring transfixed at the scene playing out in front of them.

"Do you want to come up?" she asked, smiling in anticipation of the reunion they would partake of once they got to her apartment.

He smiled, obviously envisioning the same scene. "I thought you'd never ask."

He grabbed her hand, leading her towards the elevator. With his other hand, he waved at some of the bystanders who were still shamelessly watching them.

As they waited for the elevator, he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Do you want to take a bow? I think they enjoyed the show." 

She moved closer, leaning up to whisper back, "Nah… Besides, we have our own _show_ to get to."

He laughed loudly, as the elevator chimed its arrival on the main floor. As they stepped in, and the doors closed behind them, he turned towards her, his lips hovering above her. "I like the way you think, Harrison," he said huskily, before his lips finally descended upon hers.


End file.
